Updated: Jan 13
There is a new, highly popular trend going around in some "conscious facebook" circles, all about this idea of sexual Polarity.
I think this was mostly popularized by David Deida at first, but has recently become even more fanatical with sacred facebook sex symbols seducing people that are not satisfied with their love life's, into believing that all their problems will be solved when the cis-Men learn to always uphold a "high masculine" hyper polarity of dominance, while a cis-Woman learns to submit into her feminine.
Rather than having the mature conversation of how the disconnected relationships within our life may be reflecting our state of disconnection between these aspects within ourselves, they continue to project the answer as something we need to fix ourselves into meeting externally, rather then love ourselves into embodying internally. This basically becomes the same old toxic gender roles of "man up" and "woman down", dressed up in more spiritual talk of energetics - glamorizing the state of tension found here as the end all be all.
I’m not here to make anyone's path or preferred expression wrong, as we all have unique energetic compositions that are for us to explore moment to moment , that no one outside of us can define within a facebook post (such as this one). I invite more of this out-of-the-box exploration.
There is absolutely some juicy truth to what these Polarity Preachers are sharing, that may free us from fixed boxes wherein cis-Woman may have been suppressing their unconscious feminine desires to just submit, and Men their masculine desires to dominate.
These teachings can remind us that this way of playing is sacred, loving, and necessary in some cases of more deeply embodying our core authenticity in a compromised culture where many man end up denying their masculinity due to guilt around the way it’s been toxically used, and woman end up suppressing their femininity due to feeling a need to compete in this hyper-masculine culture.
Within the tension of polarity, the One can meet itself in deeper magnetism and co-creative potential, via the alchemical play and purpose of feminine and masculine poles creating life through the fore-play and love making of their union. Archetypal spirituality and nondual tantra 101 is understanding microcosmically in humans, as a reflection of what existence is doing - this existence that manifests itself as us, and draws us into love and realizing of union. There is something to be said about the esoteric wisdom of this polarity, which could balance out the internalized shame that exists within what some may consider SNAG's (Sensitive New Age Guys) collapsing their power on behalf of the wrongs of men come before them - for example. The point, however, is that although there is also much overcompensation in the world of woman reclaiming their power, there is still a foundation of resentment and wounding underlying much of that, which reveals they where themselves have been emasculated on a deeper level. As in, taught to believe that masculine power and sovereignty was something separate - hence the feeling of a need overcompensate through fighting to take it back, rather than standing anchored in the pole of it's Integrity, or integrated expression.
Meaning that these teachings lose the point of their natural relevancy, when they promote getting stuck on the inflation of this polarity needing to be upheld at all times by one specific gender identity, and in only one fixed way, rather than shift and adapting to the mystery of the moment.
It then just becomes another exhaustive costume the ego wears to try to be "right", or "good enough", or "worthy" of love - while bypassing the often humbling way the all-unifying energy of life moves through each of our unique and changing expressions. A mystery which cannot be fit into boxes or identity roles, and is ever cycling into integration and awakening out of the dream of our separation from the unconditionally loving nature of.
It’s the difference between awakening a certain aspect of yourself and building an ego around it vs. allowing it to serve its purpose in integrating into your deeper wholeness beyond definition.
To me, these teachings sell a worth-while conversation within the same old package of dualistic thought that reeks of trauma bonding, and plays on our most ancient wounds of the essential sense of “othering” of polar gender we’ve been taught to identify as (Mother & Father wounds if you will). This is essentially can end up as just another co-dependant ideology that keeps us looking to find our wholeness through a fixed sense of separate identity, in relation to an external "other half".
My fear is that conversations that glamorize polarity without seeing it’s Non-Dual source and Nature, encourage relationships where we all just keep using each other to validate the sexyness of each others ego's. I wonder if within all that tension, there is ever space for surrender into the radical contemplation, vulnerable healing work, and sovereign empowerment of what they never knew themselves to be... which actually requires that cis-women recognize the masculine pillar and structure within them, and cis-men the feminine flow and receptivity.
This (completely contrary to this new trendy rhetoric) is actual Tantra, which is about recognizing that both Shiva and Shakti exist inseparably within us, and that there thus is no "other" outside of us. It is actually about the dissolution of false senses of binary identity we may uphold, and rather realizing that all expressions in the world are mere symbols to help us go deeper inside, into realization union of all polarities within - becoming free from the ancient dream of the false self, and into our infinite nature's.
In this case the story of the false self is "I am only the Feminine Polarity, and should fully submit myself at all times to being directed and 'fucked by God' through an external representative of that" and visa versa - leaves us endlessly seeking to be fulfilled externally, through the most commonly dysfunctional realm of romance.
The reason romance is our main obsession as humans, is because it reflects what life is already doing through and within us; Loving in a Union of Polarities. The whole mess of this world has come in approaching the idea of Love and the union of these polarities, as something to fulfill us externally, such as through the example of gender identity.
And the big secret... is that when we approach relating to each other from a deeper practice of self-love and non-dual contemplation - we become a whole nother level of magnetic and sexy. But only because we're not trying.
When we begin to play with the relationship of this polarities within us, it still manifests externally. The only difference is that space is made for deeper freedom, love and fulfillment to happen - rather than some good sex here and there.
And a whole new caliber of relationships are attracted, evolving the whole human expirience as we know it to the next level ~ finally free from the projection that another can fulfill a hole within us, which has manifested as all relational woundings, imbalance, and violence in this world.
Finally ready to remember the true relationship, that others can only serve as tastes and pointers too. The one that all wounds are the forgetting of.
The one that the true spiritual path is about dying to all identities, dynamics, and attachments that keep us from realizing can never be witheld from you.
The relationship between you and you. You and life.